“There is no real ending. It’s just the place where you stop the story.”

― Frank Herbert

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Saved from "Juevy" for the moment.


My daughter, her boyfriend, and his son all went to juvenile court yesterday.  The judge said since the kid is living with his dad now, and not the mom,  he would not send the boy to juvenile hall this time.  He also said this is the last shot. If he busts another drug test he is history.

Now I wonder what they are going to do.  His dad is trying to find him a job.  Good luck with that. Who hires a 14 year old for anything, even in good times.  Maybe they can get him a job washing dishes at the restaurant where they work, I don't know.

My son is going to try to help by taking the boy to movies, to the park, etc.  I told him to make sure the little peckerwood turns out his pockets before he gets in the car.  My understanding is that up there, if you are in a car with someone who has dope, you get arrested too.  I really feel for my daughter. This isn't even her child and she has to go through all this because somebody else was a sorry parent.  She says he's really a good kid though so maybe, against all odds, they can salvage him.

It doesn't do any good to bewail the fact that all this trouble comes from doing something that is legal or ignored in a lot of states, and which is hardly the worst vice a person can have.  Besides, if you can't stop smoking pot then you're like a person who can't stop drinking, eventually it will ruin you if you don't do something about it.


23 comments:

  1. I appreciate your son's attitude, but as you said, I'd be very cautious. On something like that don't they search your home as well when you get arrested? What if your son is carrying at the time? He'd never get his gun back and with the general attitude of wanting to confiscate guns to begin with he might lose his CCW and be banned from owning guns in the future.

    All because he was trying to help.....

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    1. He can't carry up in Ohio, it's a lot harder to get a permit there than it is here. So that's not a problem. They can search his apartment if they want to, I suppose, I don't know the answer to that. But all they'd find is that it sometimes isn't very neat. Good luck to whoever gets to dig through that dirty clothes hamper.

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  2. not to encourage cannabis, but could they move to a state where it is legal or to one where it is ignored?

    cannabis ruins your short term memory. also we all know that smoke is no good for lungs, so he is ruining his health very young.

    sometimes a parent , in agony, has to watch the ship go down.

    d. harvey

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    1. Both my kids moved up to Ohio to get jobs. They have decent jobs now. To tell you the truth, I don't really feel sorry for the kid and if he keeps doing this and gets in trouble, that's his tough luck. My daughter has already had to put up with enough turmoil on his account. It's really her boyfriends problem, it's his son. But since he is living with them now, everything the kid does roils the whole household.

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  3. the movies and parks are nice, but teach him the value of good hard work. Have him doing yard chores, working off the struggle.
    He should not be rewarded by giong to the movies.
    And I do not have any problem with responsible marijuana use.But if he is going to do it, he still needs to be a productive member of society, and teaching him hard work will go a long way to accomplishing that goal.

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    1. I think his dad has some similar idea because he is moving heaven and earth to find him some kind of after school and weekend job. The general consensus is that he has been left on his own too long, and needs to be around positive role models. So if he spends some time with my son, that will help. What I care about right now is not so much the marijuana thing, as the clear proof that this boy doesn't have a lick of sense. No one in their right mind would keep smoking pot if they knew they had a drug test coming up. My daughter tells me lots of young people believe you can go to the drug store and buy OTC things that are supposed to "purify" your body, and that will keep you from coming up positive. But since it hasn't worked in the past for him you would think that would no longer be something he was putting any faith in.

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  4. Matt has a very valid point. I was forced to remove all of my firearms when my son got in trouble and he was much younger than 14. They cannot take your firearms necessarily but they can use them as an excuse to do a number of nasty things.

    Kids are funny. You really cannot look at them as good or bad, lazy or hardworking they really only have two settings, introvert and extrovert and by far the default setting is extrovert. That means they WILL always try and mingle and go as far into the local group culture as possible. When you are dealing with one that will take it too far passed the law or family rules the only option is to totally remove them from that situation until they learn self control and that mostly only comes with age.

    Why were so many "troublesome" individuals always sent to live with relatives in the country back in the old days?

    Of course advice like that today is meaningless because statistically no parent out there is going to change their lives to force limited social interaction on their children. I had the luxury of putting my son in a prison of distance and could control his exposure to popular teenage culture on my terms until he was old enough to handle it but it required sacrifices on my part as well especially in the career department. Teenagers, especially boys, do not fully grasp the concept of cause and effect until they are in their very late teens and some not until their 20's and there is no legal way to awaken them earlier to the concept in some cases.

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    1. I agree with what you say. It's hard to do much changing of lifestyle for parents because work is so hard to find, and people don't have the luxury of just quitting and moving.

      I don't think junior realizes he is exposing his dad to all kinds of problems when he gets involved with the police. It's all grist to the mill for those guys.

      When the boy was living with his mom he was not enrolled in school and was not going . So he had a lot of time to find low companions. Now he is in school and at least during the day he has somewhere to be. Since both his dad and my daughter usually work evenings, I don't know what they are going to do about that.

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  5. Three words: home drug tests. On a regular basis between court ordered ones they would be a good way to keep tabs.

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    1. I can suggest that to my daughter. I did not know they sold home drug tests but it makes sense they would. There must be a hell of a market for them.

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  6. Sounds like his self-cinfidence and self-worth are shot to hell.

    If his dad can find him a job that he "wants", in his sphere of interest and one that appeals, that will go a long way towards improving his self esteem e.g. carpentry if he's intetested in woodwork, a garage if he's into engines, kitchen work if he likes cooking, etc.

    That way starting "work" will be less of a battle and more likely to succeed.

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    1. Dani, I think they have in mind trying to get him a job at the restaurant where they both work. The dad tends bar and my daughter is a hostess. If he was there they would at least know what he was up to. But it's an uphill fight, there are way too many people looking for any kind of work and he's really too young for a "real" job.

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  7. What about getting the kid into a youth group like CAP, Sea Cadets, Boy Scouts, Tail Life America, or JROTC?? Could help with discipline . I was in Navy JROTC in high school and CAP as an adult. My closest friends I met in JROTC 30+ years ago.

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  8. I don't know what' s available but I will ask my daughter. There have to be some kind of programs in a city for kids to participate in .

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  9. I wish them all the luck in the world. I agree with Paladin, home drug test kits.

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    1. It will take a lot of luck, I think, for this to have a happy ending.

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  10. I'm glad he didn't get sent to detention. I hope he makes the most of the chance he has been given and manages to turn himself around. He is lucky that he has a family behind him who care about him enough to put themselves out to try and work things out.

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    1. It's always possible that with some attention he'll be ok. He has been completely left to his own devices for the last few years and at that age, that's about the worse thing you can do.

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  11. Maybe your daughter should lose the boyfriend and look for a guy who would be a decent parent for your grandkids....

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    1. I would not be devastated if that happened. But overall, he treats her well, he works hard, and he himself no longer dabbles in controlled substances. It really isn't his fault that the court gave custody of the kid to the mother, and she kept the boy from seeing the father as much as she could. This kind of thing happens in broken home situations and I am trying to maintain as positive an attitude as I can. Me putting pressure on her about her boyfriend would just exacerbate and already miserable situation.

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  12. I sincerely hope that this makes a difference in the young man's life. We have enough dead-heads in our country, especially in government ! I wish your daughter and her boyfriend best wishes with this also. It's easier to rehabilitate a headstrong toddler than a teen !

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    1. It isn't going to be easy. I'll help them any way I can, although there isn't much I can do with them living so far away.

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  13. Sounds like this teen has no purpose in life. And this is so sad. If only he could break the cycle, and find purpose, kick the drugs, and lead a good life. I feel for your daughter in this situation. Teens are extremely hard to deal with.

    Hoping that this story has a happy ending Harry. Maybe if you had a bit more influence on this young lad, he might improve. It's a shame you live so far away...

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