“Wyrd biõ ful ãræd.”

Friday, November 1, 2013

Getting along together.

Sometimes you have disagreements with your wife.  Then if she wants to make up she will bring you a  special salad, with all the things you like best in it,  or watch a tv show you want to watch instead of one she wants to watch.  Something that is subtle but shows she wishes the two of you hadn't had a quarrel.  This lizard has a good idea of how to compose a tiff if it was the husbands fault, and he (the husband, not the lizard) knows he precipitated the event through thoughtlessness, but of course he can't admit it outright.


My wife and I never buy frivolous things like flowers or candy.  Years ago, two women who worked in my office told me I was cheap because I never bought Valentines Day presents. I told them it was a bogus Halmark Holiday and my wife would be livid if I squandered money on flowers. They said I was wrong. I went to a jeweler across the street and spent several hundred dollars on a ring. My wife was absolutely outraged and made me take it back. This was when I first began to suspect that maybe we were not entirely like other couples.  We still have disagreements, over priorities, over how to allocate money, or even little things like me wanting to talk over decisions that need to be made, and her saying she is too tired.  I have trouble realizing that after a full day of teaching, maybe she really is too tired.  I am a good husband in most respects. Even so, I could stand to be a bit more sensitive.  Still, we've gotten along for 31 years come the 3rd of December, so we must have the basic process of being a couple pretty well defined.

20 comments:

  1. My wife usually makes me good food that I wouldn't usually expect, breakfast or lunch typically. Somewhere in there she slips in that she might have overreacted or just flipped out a day or so back.

    I usually do some stuff to go out of my way to help her out with something.

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  2. You and your wife handle that kind of thing about like me and my wife. There's no way to get through life without ever so often having a little fuss. Some famous person once said you should never go to bed with a quarrel unresolved between a couple. I don't remember who but it sounds like Franklin. Whoever he was it was good advice.

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  3. There are not many things that really piss Mrs. PP off to be honest. Except when she wakes up at 4AM and I am not in bed but she gets over that after a while. She wakes up kinda grumpy :)

    Actually she believes I put up with more of her peculiarities better than any other human on earth would. She has said as much so I just let her keep believing that. :)

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    1. I've wondered about that sometimes. Remember the post where you were driving really fast, and she wanted you to slow down, but you drove on the side of the road and just kept going? If I had done that I would have been sleeping out in the apartment for awhile, no doubt. You and your wife must be a perfect match for each other's personalities. That's what really matters. That's why I told my kids that if they wanted to get married, they should live with that person for a year or so first. Then if they find they are compatible, that's the time to get married.

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  4. Reckon after 31 years you two know it other :)

    I agree - Valentine's Day is purely a Hallmark opportunity - as well as the rose farmers day of bounty... Complete and utter waste of time and money.

    As long as you have working grey matter perched on your shouders, it doesn't take anything to show your partner that you love them. And why should that be reserved for one potentially /financialy draining day of the year? RMan and I have never acknowedged "Valentine's Day". Rather we'll do something for the other to show that they are in our thoughts.

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    1. That seems the best way to me. There are lots of ways to show your spouse how much you appreciate them without breaking the bank to buy non practical things. Not being impatient or brusque is the hardest thing for me. I have to keep that tendency on my part in mind or I can unintentionally hurt my wife's feelings.

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  5. We don't do Valentines day, it is becoming like the US over here. Just a ploy to make you part with your money. I would rather the money was saved and we used it for home improvement or towards a holiday.

    We aren't buying presents for Christmas, we are saving to move to a new house next year. For my birthday we are doing a small holders course (how unromantic can you get)

    I don't need 1 day of the year for me to tell OH he is the best thing that happened to me. I tell him how I feel everyday, I make his favourite dinners, I listen to him when he comes home from work and I greet him at the door, (this is from the Happiness project book, not stepford wife syndrome). Just these small actions are how we live. who now a days can say they have the undivided attention of their significant other on arrival home from work? Most people are strapped to their smart phones and talk to each other on facebook whilst sitting in the same room.

    how to get brownie points with the wife if you really feel you need to do something. Cook your favourite dinners, maybe have some candles, set the table. And do this on a far away date away from Valentines day as you can. When they ask why did you do this? You can say because I don't need Hall mark to tell me I love my wife. Trust me it will work. As long as you haven't done something naughty.

    We have a code in our relationship, the day he brings home fresh cut flowers to me, is the day I will leave. He will have done something so bad, that there are no words.

    Now a pot plant I like. a special tree for the garden, lovely. But don't ever present me with flowers that cost a fortune and are going to shrivel and die.

    But that is just me.

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    1. Doing nice things like you do for your husband is a good way to communicate. It makes the point without putting him on the spot. Among Southern men, the values inculcated in boys almost from birth don't include an ability to verbally express what the poets call "tender emotions." That can leave you at a loss if you suddenly find yourself called upon to do so. We work on the "actions speak louder than words" principle, which has brought more than one of us to grief. In the South, a man who works very hard to take care of his family expects that his wife will just know he loves her. I have been told on a number of occasions that is not enough, that women want more specific tokens along the line of your romantic dinner idea. Of course, it was my mother in law and my sister in law who told me that....

      I doubt your husband will bring the fresh cut flowers. Most men who have a good wife aren't stupid enough to jeopardize that relationship.

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  6. Harry my wife and I have been together almost 28 years. We know which buttons to push to piss off the other. We can read each other like a book. We don't do special holidays after all these many years

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    1. You're lucky in that you know what you shouldn't do and don't do those things. In my case, I get fixated on resolving some financial or family issue, and I want to do it now. But my wife can sometimes be too tired from work to want to talk about serious things, and then I get frustrated. I'm not intentionally upsetting her, she upsets me and I show it. It doesn't happen very often though. We really only pay any attention to Christmas, but we don't buy ourselves expensive presents. Instead we get the kids things they need and that's more fun for us.

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  7. Women love toast? Really? It's OK I guess. LOL I don't do the flowers either, wouldn't want him to spend the money, but I wouldn't turn down candy, like a Kit Kat bar, or two. I'd rather have some unusual vegetable or herb seeds or maybe a six pack of tomato plants. I'd really love a trip to the quilt shop! That would show true love!

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  8. Kathy, women must love toast, the Lizard says so. ;-)

    Being older, we both have to be very careful about our weight so we don't do candy although I have a powerful sweet tooth and if I bought her candy I would probably eat it myself.

    I buy my wife potted plants sometimes when we go to town. She takes them to her school to brighten up her classroom. My wife makes quilts, or used to anyway, but I didn't know there was such a thing as a quilt shop. I remember your posting on quilts. That's a handy skill to have, especially when winter comes....

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  9. We don't do frivolous either. One year my Christmas present was a wood stove.

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    1. sounds like my kind of present Lisa!

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    2. That's the kind of thing that makes sense to me. Something that makes life better for the whole family. I worked with a woman who only wanted jewelry. Her husband had to buy jewelry at the drop of a hat, and she would come show it off to everybody at the office. But they didn't worry about things like what happened if someone got sick or lost a job in the family. I guess they figured they could sell the jewelry in a crunch.

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  10. oh I am hoping some how I can watch American black out on national geographic this coming week. if it is like the one over here in September. heck I will need to watch it in the day time

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    1. Sol, some people liked it and some didn't. I thought it was ok. It is on You Tube now if you don't get it on tv. On "planning and foresight" the writer has posted the link.

      He's on my blog role to the right , or here's the url:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PreJvrljihI

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  11. Hi Harry, Just catching up :)
    No Hallmark days for us either, we also go down the "actions speak louder than words" route. Little things like going out in the snow to clear ice off my car windscreen and get the heater going before I head out on a winter's day mean more to me than a bunch of flowers.
    As for the arguments it has developed into a sort of rule here that the person who is in the wrong will usually offer to make a cup of tea or coffee as a sort of apology. Luckily we are both not the kind of people who carry on arguments for days so any disagreements are usually explosive but short lived :)

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  12. My wife, when upset, just throws a cast iron pan in my direction...I'm an expert at the full frontal floor dive.

    I really enjoyed the Black Out program. Thanks for the recommendation.

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    1. Hey, Stephen. Glad you liked it. I thought it was a good two hours worth of entertainment, if you didn't count the fact that half of it was advertisements.

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