There are some high, scudding clouds tonight but the moon is still working through. The forest is lit up by it. Sometimes, when it's this bright, I turn out all the security lights, but tonight I've left them on. The dogs are uneasy and I feel the same way. We are all getting old together, I guess.
I'm trying to be more forward looking. I read somewhere, a long time ago, that if you look to the past more than you do to the future, then old age has truly grasped you in it's clutches. I have a lot to remember, though, and other than planning what can you really do with the future?
My attitude has slipped some too. Recently an old friend wrote me a communication suggesting that I make some changes in my tactical situation up here. He and I go back to the old Hermit blog, and I can't remember how long ago that was. I think only Stephen, Matt, Kymber and J, Commander Zero, Senior Chief, Glock Mom and Ryan are still around from that period.
As I said, his suggestions were good but I sent back a querulous response saying that I was "too tired" do keep plugging away like I used to do. I feel like I've settled into a neutral phase where I'm doing well if I can keep my preparedness level up to what it was. The truth, I think, is that I haven't actually done that and I'm not in as good a position as I was, say, five years ago.
I have been trying to figure this out. Part of it definitely is being older, but 63 is not as ancient as it used to be.
I wonder if it's being retired. Maybe working, however odious my job was, kept me sharp. Staying up here for days at a time may not be conducive to being energetically active. It's easy to lose track of the date, or the day of the week. Time just flows by and there is no sense of urgency.
I do know that the deteriorating situation in the outside world tends to be depressing. However isolated you are, events out there are going to have a ripple effect and eventually the ripple will reach us all. There's no way to just live placidly on without having to deal with the world.
Least anyone think I'm getting maudlin, I've seen this same process of introspection going on over at other blogs, written by people much younger than me and in different circumstances. It's not just a matter of one older man feeling gloomy. David Fortier, well known in the gun community as a writer who's generally optimistic, said this in the latest edition of Get Ready.
"As I write this, the United States seems more troubled and divided than it has been in decades. The flames of racial tensions have been continually fanned and the country is headed for a racial transformation. With an ever increasing tempo of bad news being continually broadcast, many of you are worried about keeping your loved ones safe. It's a worry I share."