“Wyrd biõ ful ãræd.”

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

It only works this way in the movies. Letters from the undertaker.

Warning: some mild violence

This is how we all wish life was:



It would be nice if life were this way, but in my experience it 's not.  That's why there are so many bad guys and so few heroes.

Warning: Vulgar Language
This is how life really is:



On a lighter note, I get a letter every six weeks or so from the county funeral parlor. The undertaker has my best interests at heart, he says, and he wants me to come in and sign up for my funeral now, and start paying on it.  He thinks at my age this is the right thing to do.  His idea of a funeral is they lay you out at the funeral parlor for a "viewing." All your friends come by and look at your dead body.

In my case, it would be like throwing a party and nobody came, because I'm not in all that tight with anybody local.

Then they dig a hole with a backhoe, put you in a six thousand dollar box, put up your stone (mine would be the VA vets stone, I'm not paying for frills.) That's it.

But he's wasting his paper and postage. This is the funeral I want!


12 comments:

  1. I have been saying for years "give them enough rope and they will hang themselves", guess they have found the rope. I and most of the rest of the Ozarkian's are so sick of the Clinton's and their pack of lying friends here in AR that all we want to do is throw up. First they stole everything they could from the AR Governors mansion, then the WH was next is it possible they missed something during their exit from 1600 PA Ave. People here have nothing good to say about them.

    I just want things to be over as living on the edge has me worn to a frazzle.

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    1. Me too. I hope Trump wins. I think life will be better if he's President. But if Hillary wins I guess I'll do what I did when Bill was President and Janet Reno was running roughshod over the country, just go on silent running.

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  2. Oh sure, Harry....you can have the Viking funeral on that big lake near your place. Heck, I would even come to that. (grin).

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  3. Well, that's good as I need someone to shove my boat off. Although Georgia passed a law saying you can get buried in a cheap cardboard coffin now so that's an option too. 😉

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  4. I would prefer a simple day-after-death burial in a shroud. I already bought and set my gravestone myself. I thought about putting a future death date on it, just to flip people out! - lol

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    1. Well, I guess it's good to get all of it out of the way as much as you can. Will they let you do that in your state? You couldn't do that here. We had an interesting situation down here a few years ago. A big crematorium was just dumping bodies out in the woods and giving people bogus ashes. Caused quite a stink when the state finally caught on. Hundreds of bodies the birds and little furry animals had been at.....

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  5. When it comes to my funeral . . . surprise me!

    I once carried the ashes of a good friend to the top of a mountain where he wanted them to go. Had a full Native American ceremony there for him. No permits, totally under the radar. It was his last wish. Glad I could make it happen.

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    1. I thought about being cremated, and then having my ashes scattered over a big arena full of people, during half time, so I could get in the eyes of as many as possible. But I gave it up after they banned flying over public gatherings.

      You ought to be buried at sea, seems to me. Rolled up in your hammock with a round shot at your feet and the final stitch through your nose, old sailorman style.

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  6. When my buddy asked me to spread his ashes out where we used to go hunting, I promised him I would. I think that in life we have a bit of wiggle room on some things, but a deathbed promise absolutely must be kept no matter what. Weird how cremated remains don't look like what you expect....everything a person is and was, reduced to a pound or so of what looks like kitty litter.

    Told my friends I want to be cremated, have my ashes mixed with some tile grout, and then go find a gang shower in a all-women's dormitory thats being retiled.

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    1. You must be a pagan, like me. They are the only one's who take oaths seriously anymore.

      It's something I often think about. I think about all the places I've been, and the things I've seen, and once I croak it will all be like it never happened.

      I like your idea, then you could haunt the women's shower room and spend eternity in bliss.

      I would like to have been dumped out over an arena and drifted down to get into everyone's eyes. Irritating that many people at once would be a fitting epitaph for my life.

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  7. You Live not far from a lake don't you? A burning canoe would be pretty cool....ahhh but the EPA,Forest Service etc would rain on that parade.

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    1. I could rent one of their paddle boats and fix it up with a dragon head! ;-)

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